Why Do You Want It?
What value are you placing on the things you want vs who you are?
What if your wildest dreams came true? What if all the “bizarre,“ “unrealistic,“ “out-of-reach“ things you wanted were actually right within reach? What would you do? How would having those things actually change your life? The most important question is, would it change who you are?
See, most of us think that upon accomplishing all these goals, receiving certain accolades, and acquiring certain material things, we’ll reach peak happiness and feel so content with our lives. We say, “Oh, once I get this, I’ll be happy.“ Sometimes, it’s “I can’t wait until I have this so I can finally do that.“ I myself have fallen victim to these mentalities several times, and with awareness of it, I still do.
The thing that I have been meditating on for a while is, why does it have to be until then? Why do we put these stipulations on doing certain things? There are so many things on my to-do, to-achieve, and to-acquire lists. But what is the true, deep difference between my life now and my life once I obtain those things?
One HUGE thing for me for these past few years has been getting my license. I am 21 without a license. I hate depending on people for rides. I hate being so old without one. I hate that I have anxiety and trauma weighing on me, causing it to be even harder to put myself out there on the road than it was before I experienced traumatic things. But what does having a car and my license really deeply change about my life and who I am?
Of course, I’ll be able to drive myself and others around. I’ll get my own car. I would be able to drive to see my boyfriend instead of him always coming to me, but all that does is lift the non-existent “burden“ from him, partially because we’d still have to make sure we’re both free. His driving to and from for me is not a burden to him, but it makes me feel guilty because of my driving insecurity. That being said, in this case, all it would do is ease my guilt. In other situations, it would ease my frustration with other people for being late and having to rely on them. All that aside, it changes nothing about who I am, except that I can add ‘legal driver’ to my personal resume- and who the fuck even does that.
The problem isn’t wanting the things we want, but it’s the value we place on obtaining these things and the value we feel we lack without them. Having a driver’s license doesn’t change the type of person I am, the contribution I make to the world, or the impact I have on my loved ones. It just makes my life easier in SOME situations.
Sometimes these things don’t matter in the grand scheme of life. It doesn’t affect me in a way that causes a drastic change. Yes, it may make some things easier. We all have certain things that we want, but will they bring true inner fulfillment or temporary satisfaction until we find something else? Don’t get me wrong, I will still be getting my license, and this doesn’t change my wanting the things I want.
The point is: what would having what you want solve, and is it worth having? Is it worth feeling less valuable or less happy because you don’t have it? Think about those questions before you let your lack of something define who you are. Sometimes, the things that we let define us won’t actually make such a “defining” difference in our lives once we achieve or obtain them.
As always, I hope something here helped you or sparked a thought within you in some way. Feel free to drop a comment with something you’ve been desperately desiring and unfairly tying your personal worth to. Remember that it’s okay to want more for yourself, but it’s not okay to beat yourself up because you have a few goals that you haven’t spiritually aligned with yet.
Much Love,
Ayannah <333